The Bum Reviews Walker Forgot to Do
by SubZeroGreymon
Summary: Chester reviews some movies. This is what Doug DIDN'T make him watch...
1. Skyline

**And Now, It's Time for Bum Reviews, With Chester A. Bum...**

**Tonight's Review...**

**SKYLINE**

OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

Greetings, Humans. I come in SPOILERS!

There's this guy, named Jarrod, and he has a woman named Elaine!

Jerry would probably be lightly jealous.

And they go on a trip to Los Angeles, and get wasted. After a night of party, weird blue lights appear, attracting everyone within a 100 mile radius.

I got attracted to a blue light once!

Of course, she always gave me the silent treatment.

After people stare at the light, they get sucked into the sky. Jarrod and co, who manage to avoid being attracted by staring away from the light, try to figure out what's going on, and then something comes from the sky.

It turns out the blue lights are generated by ALIENS!

And why are the aliens abducting us? Do they want to probe our anuses?

No.

Are they here to examine our internal systems?

No.

Are they here to lead us to world peace? End world hunger? Give the bums homes by sucking away the rich people?

No, no, and only in your dreams.

Well, what then?

All they want to do is eat our brains.

Really?

Yep.

So it's an alien invasion movie with alien brain-eating monsters?

Yep.

Oh, great, it's an alien zombie apocalypse.

Well, that would explain how they could survive a nuke.

Wait, they survive a NUKE?

Yep.

Oh, well, that sucks.

So, Jarrod, Elaine, and some guys who eventually get themselves killed decide to leave the oversized tower this entire film is based in to escape the UFO's by getting away on a boat, but it winds up that the aliens have squids, oversized monsters, and giant flying UFO's!

But then the military comes in, and becomes about as effective as they are in other alien movies - Not at all.

And so, Jarrod and Elaine are abducted, and the aliens remove Jarrod's brain and puts it in one of their alien monster things. But because he was exposed to the light so many times, he manages to take control of the monster and kick alien ass!

And that's the end of the movie, setting up the sequel that people will most likely ignore.

I don't understand why people hate this movie so much. It had aliens killing people for their own purposes and lots of action near the end. As far as I'm concerned, that's all I need!

Of course, it had a few flaws, but they're bearable in my opinion.

This is Chester A. Bum, saying, CHANGE? YA GOT CHANGE! Ah c'mon, help a guy out, will ya? C'mon, change.

**Seriously though, Skyline was awesome eye candy, but it could use a little rewriting.**

C'mon, Aliens, I'll be your CPU for a few bucks!


	2. Green Lantern

**And Now, It's Time for Bum Reviews, With Chester A. Bum...**

**Tonight's Review...**

**GREEN LANTERN**

My name? Chester A. Bum. I am a human being, a denizen of the planet Earth. I am a homeless vagabond, barely keeping alive on the change I gather from kind strangers, and the money of Doug Walker, the Nostalgia Critic. Recently, I had obtained three hundred dollars worth in quarters, and with it, have obtained food, some new clothes, and the chance to see THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

In brightest day, in blackest SPOILERS!

There's this guy, named Hal Jordan! and he's a fighter jet pilot and an A-Hole! So, he finds a dying purple alien, and he gives him a ring!

And Hal's like, "Why're you giving me a ring?"

And the alien's like "It chose you!"

"How could it close me?"

"I dunno, I'm dead now!"

So he tries to figure it out, and becomes a superhero!

"WOW! I'm AWESOME!"

But then, aliens come in, and they're like,

"You're the Green Lantern of Earth!"

"Screw you guys, I'm going out to call myself 'Green Lantern!'"

"But... we just-"

"SHUT IT!"

But then, this guy with a big forehead comes in and is like,

"I'm kidnapping your girlfriend with the power of FEAR!"

"Piss off."

"Damn your willpower!"

But then this yellow cloud comes in and is like,

"GIVE ME YOUR FEAR!"

"Piss off, I'm flinging you to the sun!"

"YES! FEAR ME AND GIVE ME- wait, what?"

"Too late."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And the movie ends, leaving me with only a $20. Oh well, some guy named Raoul Puke is taking me to another town, and providing me with drugs!

Hooray!

Now, I'm going to ask, "CHANGE? You got CHANGE? Oh come on, help a guy out, will ya!"

Seriously, though, "Green Lantern" was okay, but the ending sucked.

I'll tell you my adventures on my upcoming adventure! "Change and Loathing in Las Vegas."


	3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

**And Now, It's Time for Bum Reviews, With Chester A. Bum...**

**Tonight's Review...**

**Rise of the Planet of the Apes**

OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!****

Get your hands off of me, you damn dirty spoilers!****

There's this guy, called Will, and he invents a virus that repairs the brain, and dubs it the cure to Alzheimer's!****

I made a cure to Alzheimer's once! Turns out its stem cells. Please, support them. Life begins in the petris dish, but it doesn't GO anywhere!**  
><strong>  
>But one of the chimps starts acting like a total animal! Which she is!<p>

OOK OOK AHH AHH!****

***Bang***

Ow.** *Clunk***

So the board denies approval.****

Same with my board. Hell, they made me a homeless person, until some guy named Doug started telling me to review movies. I still live in a box, but that's stylistic.****

Anywho, the guy that puts the chimps down finds a baby chimp!****

"He's yours, I don't want him."****

"Cool."****

So the chimp turns out to have inherited the cure, and is so smart, they call him Caesar!****

But then, he acts like Gollum, and bites off someone's finger.****

I did that once!****

Ever notice Raoul Puke's pinky's missing?****

So he winds up in ape prison, and is bullied, but since he's so smart, he manages to take them over!****

Then, he starts acting a little defiant, and some guy who looks like Malfoy tells him to get to his cage.****

"Get to your cage!"****

**"OOK."**

"Planet of the Apes shoutout!"****

**"NO!"**

"Wha?"****

**"Wha?"**

So the apes turned out to be infected by a viral version of the cure! How?****

I don't know, I went to the bathroom for a bit.****

So the apes rebel against mankind, and wind up in a forest, and live happily ever after.****

Unfortunately, the virus winds up going around, making apes smarter, and overthrowing mankind as the dominant species.****

**"YOU MANIACS YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL."**

So, RPA was all sorts of awesome.**  
><strong>  
>WHEN ARE YOU MAKING A SEQUEL!<strong><br>**  
>This is Chester A. Bum, saying, CHANGE? YA GOT CHANGE! Ah c'mon, help a guy out, will ya? C'mon, change.<strong><strong>

**Seriously though, Planet of the Apes gets a worthy successor. This, I applaud.  
><strong>  
>C'mon, I'll support the ape uprising! I'll even dress like a gorilla!<p> 


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